Ashley Clark
This Isn’t a Love Story
I met him at a vulnerable time in my life. I was just getting over an ex, or trying to. Justifying “trying to” going 45 mph on a boat egging him on to play chicken might not do the trick. I was done with “men” and their stupid games they play. Focusing on having a good summer was all I wanted to do. That’s when he came along. Of course in my most vulnerable state.
I should sue that vodka company for giving me false hopes. Or maybe my friend who dragged me to the bar and ended up shacked up with her former lover. I thought the night would turn out much differently than it did. Sometimes I wish that I hooked up with his friend, at least he wouldn’t have called me again. I won’t lie, I did have options like the couch or my car. Yet, know one thing for sure, I would have been a much different person right now if I picked the solitude of my front seat.
It wasn’t at all me, he asked me for my number. He called, dammit, had me visit, and I did. To hear him say, “come closer… sweetheart,” to tell me I’m cute and he likes it when the doors open because he can see my face. He liked my innocence that he didn’t even realize he was slowly draining from me. I won’t pretend, he did cook me breakfast, sometimes. Yet, when he heard his boys outside playing I knew it was time to get up and breakfast wasn’t coming. Isn’t it funny how girls watch their men play? I could have been out on the boat bombing around in no wake zones. Yet, for some reason I choose to waste the sunny days watching him have fun.
I
played it hard for a while keeping
distance from my heart and my head.
Then I became a “stupid girl” and that’s a sure fire way to push a man
away. I was a girl who believed his
rhetorical questions could have been future filled, I was wrong. I’ve learned you can’t put words or thoughts
in a mans mind. You can’t for that
matter even take what they say and believe them. Only action will suffice. If he wants you, you’ll know.
But who am I kidding; you won’t like that guy anyways. When you become needy
even for a split second strap weights to your feet. You will I promise sink. Don’t worry though, you will never swim
again.
He left me the first time crying saying he could be making the biggest mistake of his life. If I could go back I’d say, “Your right buddy you are!” and slam the door like I should have a long time ago. With time I began to understand those tears were for something deep inside that didn’t involve me. In another state I took him back but this was short lived because he never wanted me back anyway. This was his way of ensuring I wouldn’t rebound while he was in his own time getting over me. They won’t come back a third time you know. As a man they are now convinced like Napoleon they have won. And God dammit they have. You let them. Don’t at any cost fool yourself into thinking he wants you back after he leaves you. Trust me, the only thing that will make him even remotely make him think of you is when a girl kisses him on the neck like you did or sleeping next to open space and his fan.
You will be jealous if he finds someone new. Remind yourself of all the things you at first found annoying but over time you convinced yourself were cute. They are not cute, they suck, learn this. By any means don’t try to rebound in spite of him. You will break the next mans heart and make him want to poison himself after hearing endless ex stories.
The
moral of this story is there is no such thing as love. Your boyfriend in the picture frame sitting
on your desk is fucking the girl from across the hall at his new school in
Face it nobody goes to the movies anymore. That’s what eight graders tell their parents they’re doing when they secretly are. Dinner is for old couples who sit there staring at each other wondering why they didn’t wait a little longer to find the right one. Sometimes I wonder if people marry a person to keep their lover from running away. Don’t some women do this with pregnancy? The bar is for guys who just end up the last girl they broke up with to come over at 2AM that night anyways. Put in no effort ever. If he wants a drink suggest the bubbler down the hall. And when your ex calls you at three in the morning once a week? You better tell him you’re busy. The unwashed mound of clothes next to him should suffice.
Don’t get me wrong hopeless romantics; there is someone out there for you. But who gives a shit? Why look now? Wait till after your first divorce. Get silly and sled down hills, go jump in the snow and move away from your AOL. Go skiing until your legs burn like your mothers pot roast. Lying in bed alone is good for you and your back.
I’ll do what my mom has said to me since birth. This is possibly because my dad was outside smoking cigarettes and drinking with the nurse when she had me. “Never get married, save yourself the aggravation. Men are idiots! Live in lust!” Thank Mary. This is not a love story.