Examples of leads:
Compare. Talk about these leads. Which of each group is more
effective and why?
Football paper #1
“Hey there, freshman. I’m going
to run you over.”
”Blue, ready, set, go!” the quarterback growled off the cadence.
My eyes shifted from the quarterback back to the mountain of flesh in
front of me. For a split second I think that I saw drool sliding down the
chin of the cave man that had spoken to me. In another second, I was
officially on my butt and underfoot of several hefty linemen.
“Welcome to the Red Team,” was the only response that I got.
Football Paper #2
In my paper I’ll talk about a broad range of topics that deal
with football and with life that comes with football whether you like it or
not. Some of the topics I’ll be discussing is
how football is a demanding sport which is not just a one season sport but one
that involves preparation throughout the whole year whether you lift weights or
get aerobically fit, you cannot afford to slack off in the off-season if you
wish to be a successful player. Another area I’ll be talking
about is that if you are a good football player you are also expected to be a
good role model for the whole community and if you make a mistake by blowing
the championship game or get caught drinking the people do not forget that
quickly if at all. I’ll also be talking about how people who don’t
ever play football are the people who criticize the players the most. I’ll
talk about these subjects by taking you through some of my senior year at X
Academy.
Compare:
Draft 1
The adolescent I interviewed is Eric F, a 16-year old high school
sophomore. I knew a bit about Eric’s personality prior to the
interview because we work at the same restaurant. This knowledge,
however, was of no great detail, basically just superficial
characteristics. As I explained to Eric, my primary focus of this
interview is to get a clear understanding of his personality. With this I
will then have insight into the relationship he shares with his family and how this
relationship has affected his life.
Draft 2
Sixteen-year old Eric isn’t going home tonight. It’s a
Friday evening and his spirits are soaring. He has successfully convinced
his reluctantly trusting mother to loan him the car, so he can stay at a friend’s
house. He holds the prized keys up and laughs at his deception. His
mother has no idea that tonight he’s going to attend a party and he’s
going to get drunk.