During the last several years, we have created a series of workshops to respond to the growing national concern over the prevalence of bullying in our society, particularly in schools. These workshops have been presented regionally to varied audiences including professionals, parents, and students. The demand for these workshops is indicative of the degree to which this problem affects segments of society including children, parents, and teachers.

Beyond a basic distaste of the violence encountered in bullying, it has  implications for child mental health in terms of short and long term consequences as well as for the general health and functioning of society. In offering these workshops, we were guided by a need to be informative and practical so that we could better help those affected by bullying to develop insights and strategies to counter its negative effects.  In order for people to take effective preventive and remedial steps in solving the problem of bullying, they need to understand the depth and extent of it as well as concrete and specific techniques to effectively respond to it . It was this purpose we had in mind when we set out to inform and instruct people about bullying.

Our research efforts culminated in an eleven point approach to understand and respond to bullies. The major categories we cover include a definition of bullying, myths, long term consequences for both victims and bullies, incidence of bullying, causes, typologies and profiles of bullies and targets, indicators of bullying, and methods of prevention and intervention. The following is an overview of our presentation.

Bullying is defined as a series of repeated intentionally cruel incidents involving the same children in the same bully-victim roles; it involves a power difference between bully and victim; and the bully’s intention is intimidation and domination.

Bullying is not limited to physical violence. It also includes verbal taunts, name-calling, intimidation (the threat of violence), extortion, theft of possessions, exclusion from the peer group, and shunning. Sexist, racist, and homophobic allusions are common aspects of victimization.

There are several myths about bullying that perpetuate it. One is that “I was bullied and it didn’t do me any harm”. This myth does not take into account the differential effects of bullying and the varying degrees of resilience among its targets. In other words, the same action has very different effects on people because people are so different. Other myths include “He’ll just have to learn to stand up for himself”; “Hitting back and harder will dissuade the bully”; It’s character building”; “It’s just kid teasing”; and “Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me”. This last myth runs counter to the evidence on emotional abuse which many in the mental health profession see as even more damaging than some milder forms of physical abuse.

What makes bullying a serious problem is its powerful negative impact and long term consequences. These have been identified as depression, suicide, low self-esteem, withdrawal, social isolation, and low productivity. Bullies themselves are victimized by their own behavior. Sixty percent of them have a criminal record by  age 24. If identified as a bullies by age 8, they are likely to develop a violent life style. Other outcomes include poor interpersonal relationships (“Why won’t you be my friend, stupid?”), high involvement in government services - courts, etc., and the possible development of an adult antisocial personality disorder. Thus, bullies have a negative effect on society - not just their targets.

Bullying occurs every seven minutes and is seen as affecting sixteen percent of all students where nine percent are victims and seven percent are bullies. Of course, this does not include the affect on families. Bullying increases in the elementary years, peaks in middle school, and declines in high school. Thus, developmental issues of adolescents exacerbate the problem. The rates of bullying are similar in the United Kingdom, the United States, Japan, Ireland, Australia, and the Netherlands. Thus, it is a universal problem. Another factor that perpetuates bullying is that, like rape, most of it is not reported. Bullying also varies with gender. Males engage in more direct bullying like physical violence while females do it more indirectly as in spreading rumors. A most dramatic finding is that twenty five percent of students report teacher intervention while seventy one percent of teachers report that they intervene. If teachers and other adults do, in fact, look the other way, this sends a powerful message and underlines the fact that students hear what adults don’t say. When this happens, approval is inferred by the bully and hopelessness by the target. From the point of view of the target, why tell someone if that person won’t do anything. Perhaps this is why bullying remains one of the most under-reported and enduring school problems. This is further compounded by a belief of many school officials that bullying is a harmless right of passage. The problem with this is that one person’s harmless right of passage is another’s hazing.

There are many possible causes of bullying that together may increase the likelihood that someone will become a bully. For example, some bullies may be coping with loss, overindulged, victims of abuse themselves, have domineering personalities, seeking to win approval from peers, lack supervision, have authoritarian parents who model aggression, have an active and impulsive temperament, and have superior strength. Those who engage in bullying may be enabled by a school environment that lacks a sense of community, accentuates competition, and has a diminished inclusive spirit. Aspects of targets may also determine the bully’s choice of target. Gender, race, ethnicity, degree of popularity, physical attributes, ease of provocation, new students, and passive students may attract bullies. There is also the “professional victim” who seeks out bullies. An example here is the student with new braces who informs everyone on the playground not to call him “metal mouth”.

Bullies come in different forms. One is the physical bully who uses violence, theft, and destruction of property. A second type is the verbal bully who mainly uses teasing and name-calling. A third is the relational bully who influences peers to socially exclude his or her chosen targets. A fourth one is the reactive bully who taunts and provokes bullies and who is transformed into one by the experience. Bullies have several characteristics and all may not be found in a single bully. Generally, bullies are aggressive, physically strong, are routinely violent, have poor communication skills, have a need to control and dominate, come from dysfunctional families, are victims of corporal punishment, are attention seeking, are immature and envious, are disruptive, divisive, and oppositional, are low achievers, engage in lying, deny responsibility for their actions, violate school rules, lack empathy and remorse, are exploitative, and have low anxiety. Bullies engage in jockeying in order to acquire and maintain power. They often project their own hate and anger onto targets and see the target’s outrage as validating their own projections. If bullies acknowledge their own anger, it could diminish their self-esteem.

The targets of bullies also have common characteristics. These include being quiet and shy, lacking in physical strength, being artistic, creative, and imaginative, achieving at a high level, being atypical in some way, being compassionate,  wearing glasses, having a low propensity toward violence, being over-reactive to provocation, and having a nurturing family.

Because children are very disinclined to report bullying, it is important for parents, teachers, and other caregivers to be alert to the signs of bullying. These signs include fear of going to and coming from school, a deliberate change of routine, begging to be driven to school (to avoid bullying on the school bus or at the bus stop), refusal to attend school or truancy, a drop in school performance, ripped clothes, bruises, destroyed or missing possessions, excessive hunger (lunch or lunch money theft), a sudden change of behavior, talk of suicide, irritability, crying episodes, nightmares, loss of pocket change, aggressiveness, and making excuses. These behaviors are also indicative of other problems that need to be ruled out.

There are several preventions and interventions that can be implemented by school authorities, parents, and potential or actual targets themselves. School can provide opportunities for children to learn assertiveness and problem solving through role playing (social role taking), theater techniques such as the Theater of the Oppressed, and simulations. Good supervision in areas where bullying is more likely to take place is important. Video cameras on school busses, for example, has minimized bullying. Providing clear and enforceable consequences for bullying breaks the silence of complicity that characterize so many schools. Good school-home communication is also essential because it establishes an atmosphere of openness and trust. A critical element of bullying prevention is a school atmosphere of support and inclusion. When competition far outweighs cooperation, there is likely to be more aggression and scapegoating - ideal conditions for the emergence of bullying. Since bullying is rarely discussed openly, educating everyone about it exposes it and allows it to be treated. Rewarding prosocial behavior in schools undermines bullying because it comes into greater contrast with the school’s value system. When rules and expectations are made clear and formulated with student input, there is less of a chance for bullying to occur. Other approaches include individual conferences with bullies, their parents, and targets, the establishment of a conflict resolution and peer mediation program, social skills training, infusion of the curriculum with human rights, diversity, and tolerance, establishing buddy systems and support groups, and developing an anti-bullying program. One promising approach is using virtual reality so that children can rehearse effective ways to respond to bullies.

At home parents need to ask their children directly about being bullied, arrange a safe passage to school for their children, work closely with school personnel to establish an anti-bullying campaign, organize other parents for advocacy, look for bullying signs, stay calm and not overreact, and have talks with their children about how to avoid further victimization. This last point is very important because it is how the target responds to the bully that convinces the bully whether or not he should further pursue the target.

The potential target has several options to remove herself from the clutches of the bully. One is to tell the bully in a clear and assertive way that she refuses to be a target or say NO! and walk away. The encounter must be brief but strong because engagement of the bully is counterproductive. The bully’s own speechlessness is the beginning of his lack of power. This response is especially effective in school hallways where many teachers are likely to hear it and respond, especially if they are sensitized about the problem. Also, bullies prefer targets who are passive and acquiescent or who overreact and argue with them. Children who are bullied also need to tell a friend or trusted adult. They can sit next to the bus driver, avoid being too predictable in their routines, avoid arguing with bullies and to giving in to fear or pressure as these responses give the bullies hope. Assertive body language is also effective and may have to be taught to targets because bullies size up their targets to see if they meet certain criteria. Sometimes doing the unexpected helps. For example, when being taunted for being “ugly”, the target can respond by saying, “I guess I’ll have to live with my ugliness”. When the target engages in a test of wills, the bully is set up for victory because the target meets the criterion of being easily provoked. A simple prelude to an encounter with a bully is to take deep breaths and count to 10. This allows a moment of relaxation to counter the tension so that the response to the bully can be more measured. A metacognitive technique such as self-talk is also helpful because the target can rehearse his response. These and other techniques can be learned individually and in small group counseling sessions. Children and parents should request these services of their school guidance department.

In conclusion, there are many facets to bullying, and these need to be understood before we can rid society of this problem that has gone on relatively unabated for a very long time. However, we are entering a period of time where the voices of

peace and justice are just beginning to be heard. As Haim Ginott once said, “People are not for hitting”. Physical and emotional abuse in bullying or other
forms of oppression have no place in schools and families as they undermine their health and productivity. The more we educate about bullying, the more it is brought out into the open to be examined, treated, and eliminated. The demise of bullying will bring society and the world closer to being a kinder and gentler place.
 

(Note: As mental health professionals, we are committed to working collaboratively with others to deal effectively with bullying and are available for consultation to help schools provide interventions to help children, parents, and school personnel to come to grips with the problem).
 

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 Bully B'ware Productions, British Columbia, Canada, bully@direct.ca
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